1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
