Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
