She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
