Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
