Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize