So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
