There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
