do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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