for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
