If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
