I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
