I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
