remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
