could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
