I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
