I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
