Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
