I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
