Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
