Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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