I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
