I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
