im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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