In the future we'll all be gay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
