the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
