At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
