thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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