when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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