i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
