I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
