Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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