I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
