It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
