found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just cropdusted the office
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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