Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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