i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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