I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She's the barista slut.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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