In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to calm my uterus...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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