we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
