Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
