This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
