I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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