What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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