I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if only i could text you this smell
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
