i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
