my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
