I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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