when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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