he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
