I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
