im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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