How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
