I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
