the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
