i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
