the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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