I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
