Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize