i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
