We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
