I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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