dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
