I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
