Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
BRING THE BAGELS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
