dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
