he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
