You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
