you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
