how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
