worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
