I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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