I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
