i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
