grandma shit on top of the toilet
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize