make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
