What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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