Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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