We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
