how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
