I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
