I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We have so much sex to catch up on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
