I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
