You're completely useless in the revolution.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
