We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize