Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
