can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
