I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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