Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
