my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
