Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
