You're completely useless in the revolution.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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