every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
