do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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