a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
