I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
