Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
