I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
