Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
