Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They have beer where we have blood.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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