did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
