Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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