please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
