I looked at my own cervix.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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