i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
