Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
